Borrowed from a friend– well worth the read, and the borrowing:
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on
Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in
the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce
The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of
virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25%
this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in
the number of suicide bombings, has resulted in a shortage of virgins in
The suicide bombers’ union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs (B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was
unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote.
General Secretary Abdullah Aloud Bang told the press, “Our members are
literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don’t ask
for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth”.
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief
executive Aisheet Mapants explained, “I sympathize with our workers
concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands.
They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a
competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a
chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It’s a straight choice
between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don’t like cutting
benefits but I’d hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won’t be
able to blow themselves up.”
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales
and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt
their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.
According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of
suicide bombings has been attributed to Rosie O’Donnell. Many Muslim
Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their